


we should just kiss (like real people do)

by talk_too_much



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, First Kiss, Flirting, Getting Together, M/M, Pining, i know nothing about playing pool don't @ me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:42:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26345791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talk_too_much/pseuds/talk_too_much
Summary: 5 times Buck wants to kiss Eddie + 1 time he does.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 43
Kudos: 370





	we should just kiss (like real people do)

They were both lounging on the couch in Eddie’s living room, maybe a couple drinks past tipsy after an evening of movies and too much microwaveable popcorn. Eddie had long since tucked Christopher into bed, after the insistence that Buck read him a bedtime story, and one beer turned into another which turned into another, which was how Buck found himself sprawled out on Eddie’s couch feeling pleasantly buzzed as he watched contestants frantically cook on TV.

“C’mon man, there’s ten thousand dollars on the line and they have to usesardines and garlic ice cream for dessert,” Buck said, gesturing to the episode of _Chopped_ that was casting shadows in the darkened room.

Eddie huffed and took another pull from his beer, “I just don’t really… get cooking shows,” he said.

Buck snorted. “Yeah, because you barely know how to make toast. It’s an underappreciated art for you.”

“Hey, fuck you. I can cook,” Eddie argued, narrowing his eyes at him over the mouth of his beer bottle. 

“Chris says otherwise,” Buck teased, grinning as he patted Eddie’s thigh before he turned his attention back to the TV. “But lucky for you, you have me to cook just as long as you keep doing the dishes.”

Eddie shrugged and mumbled out, “Okay, that’s actually not a bad deal,” before sinking further into the cushions.

Not ten minutes later, Buck noticed Eddie trying (and failing) to subtly pat around the couch, most likely looking for the remote. He stilled as he finally caught sight of it on the end table next to where Buck was sitting.

“Don’t even think about it. This is the final round,” Buck said, glaring at him. Somewhere swimming in the back of his mind he thought it was kinda funny how well he could read Eddie after these few years because he instantly noticed the shift in tension in Eddie’s shoulders and was one step ahead of him when he lunged for the remote.

Buck had him pinned down against the cushions, one hand holding his wrists just over his head, knees planted on either side of Eddie’s body as he tried to break free. And well. Buck decided he wasn’t opposed to playing a little dirty if it meant finding out the winner of the episode and gently dug his fingers into Eddie’s side where he knew he was ticklish. 

Soon, Eddie was laughing so hard there was hardly any sound leaving his mouth and by the time he finally gasped out, “Okay! Okay, you win,” their breathing was both more than a little labored. At some point, Buck had leaned down over Eddie’s body and as he studied Eddie lying beneath him, cheeks flushed from laughing so hard, brown eyes sparkling and crinkled in the corners because he was still smiling up at Buck despite his defeat, and he couldn’t stop himself from glancing down at Eddie’s lips and sucking in a sharp breath. As he scrambled to extricate himself from Eddie’s body, he wasn’t sure if the heart hammering away in his chest was caused by trying to hold down all six feet of a squirming Eddie or something _else._ He decidedly did not think about what the latter meant. Everything was still a little hazy. 

He cleared his throat and settled back into the cushions on the opposite side of the couch and glanced over to where Eddie was still sprawled out on his back, fond amusement softening his features as he looked back at Buck.

“I uh- had a feeling he was gonna win, and now I’ll so graciously let you pick what we’re watching next” Buck said as the host revealed who was on the chopping block, grabbing his abandoned beer from the coffee table.

Eddie just rolled his eyes as he reached for the remote.

\---

It was Maddie who got everyone to go to trivia night at a new bar downtown, but it was Hen and Karen who walked away with the grand prize of a fifty dollar gift card with Athena and Bobby trailing in a close second. Buck and Eddie landed somewhere around 4th place, which was good enough for the both of them.

Buck knew that parking was always a nightmare, so when Eddie suggested he just ride with him, he knew better than to say no. They made their way back to the truck, shoulders bumping and brushing every few steps like they always did when they walked next to each other despite the abundance of extra room on the sidewalk at the late hour. The conversation came easily, it always did, and Buck was smiling at Eddie describing the look on Chim’s face when Buck correctly answered a question about sharks as he shoved his hands further into his jacket pockets when a flash of lightning lit up the sky. He’d noticed it thundering on and off all evening, but the forecast didn’t show a significant chance of rain before he’d left his apartment.

But as luck would have it, he felt a couple of droplets of water on his face as he turned his head to look up at the sky and that was all the warning he got before the clouds seemed to open up and release a torrential downpour on to the two of them. He was shocked into stillness for a fraction of a second before he felt Eddie’s fingers wrap around his wrist and tug him into a run down the street. The rain was coming down so heavily he could barely see a few feet in front of him, so when Eddie ducked into the doorway of what looked like a closed coffeeshop, he had no choice other than to follow. They were both soaked down to their bones, breaths coming just a little harsher after sprinting down the street.

Eddie squinted at him as he ran a hand through his hair, “I couldn’t read the signs. Did we already pass 5th and Broadway?” he asked, blinking away the droplets of water clinging to his eyelashes.

“I’m- I’m not sure. I could hardly see you in front of me.” Buck answered.

They were standing closer than what was strictly necessary huddled in the doorway and Buck couldn’t help but track the movement of a drop of water as it slid down Eddie’s neck. There had been this… feeling. It’d been coming on more often in the few weeks since that night on Eddie’s couch. Sometimes it felt warm in the middle of his chest, like sunshine, when Eddie gently woke him up from a nap between calls at the station with lunch and a cupcake he’d saved for him. Sometimes it felt a little like freefalling, stomach-swooping-heart-stuttering-breathlessness whenever he caught Eddie’s attention and subsequent triumphant grin after a particularly difficult rescue. And sometimes it felt like electricity whenever Eddie brushed a fleeting hand along the small of his back as he squeezed past him or when he sat next to him on the couch, pressed entirely up against his side. It’d been getting harder and harder to shake off and rationalize away. And suddenly, standing there crowded against Eddie in the small recess of the building as the rain thundered down around them, he couldn’t tell if the flicker of a spark he felt in the air was because of the lightning illuminating the sky or Eddie being so close he could feel his breath ghosting over his face, sweet and minty from the gum he’d been chewing.

Fascinatingly enough, there was a drop of water clinging to his lower lip and Buck swayed just a tiny bit closer, pulled closer by some invisible force, he heard Eddie breath catch as his eyes landed on Buck’s mouth.

And just as suddenly as it began, the roar of the rain quieted-- the shock of silence breaking whatever spell had fallen over them. Buck let out a breath and stepped back onto the street, glancing up at the sign that read 5th and Broadway. He jerked his head at Eddie who was still leaning in the doorway looking at him thoughtfully with his head cocked to the side.

“Looks like we should be right up here.” 

Eddie nodded and hummed in agreement before finally pushing himself off the wall and walking past him close enough to brush his shoulder. “I think I have a couple of beach towels in the back.”

Buck hopped into a step, falling back in line with Eddie before looking at him with a mischievous smile on his face. 

“Race you?”

Eddie appeared to seriously consider it, tapping a finger on his chin for good measure, before taking off down the street without warning.

“Hey! That’s cheating!” Buck called out after him but he was laughing as he broke into a sprint.

“Your giraffe legs are an unfair advantage, I needed to even the playing field,” Eddie said over his shoulder. 

Buck didn’t rub it in (that much) when he edged out the win.

\---

It was the middle of August which meant no school for Chris and Eddie trying to find ways to entertain him on his days off, so when Buck suggested an overnight camping trip out of the city to watch the Perseids meteor shower, Eddie asked him to name the time and place.

They spent the afternoon setting up the tent and roasting marshmallows over the campfire with Chris anxiously waiting for the sun to dip below the horizon.

Finally, with twilight fading away into the inky darkness that seemed almost alien after so many nights in the city, they settled into the bed of Eddie’s truck which they’d piled high with pillows and blankets. Christopher happily snuggled himself into Buck’s side and Buck couldn’t help but smile and hold him a little closer.

The hours passed by and they kept count of how many meteors they saw while Buck told stories of Orpheus and his golden lyre gifted to him by Apollo, he talked about the scorpion and the hunter Orion and how they seem to chase each other around the sky for eternity, he told Chris about the hero Hercules and how Zeus put him in the sky as a constellation and when Chris asked if he got to keep Pegasus with him (like in the movie), Buck happily pointed out that constellation, too.

He talked and talked and talked until his voice was rough and Chris’s questions had drifted further and further apart and he was snoring lightly with his head pillowed atop of Buck’s arm. He smiled down at the sleeping boy, gently brushing his golden curls away from his forehead. It was only then that he felt the weight of Eddie’s stare on him. He chanced a look and almost flushed at the easy affection laid open on Eddie’s face simmering underneath his drowsy half-lidded eyes. The corner of Eddie’s mouth quirked up and he sighed as he pulled himself into a sitting position. He hopped down from the bed of the truck and gently nudged Chris until he slowly blinked his eyes open.

“C’mon, superman, let’s get you tucked in,” Eddie said softly.

Chris grumbled a little but ultimately allowed himself to be swept up into his father’s arms, yawning out a “‘night Buck, love you” and Buck just beamed and replied, “‘Night, buddy, I love you too.” 

Buck wandered around the campsite and spent a couple of minutes making sure any food was put away and the campfire properly put out before leaning against the truck and staring back up at the sky. He didn’t even register Eddie’s presence until he was right next to him also leaning against the truck.

“You turning in soon?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah, just wanted to get a last look, we don’t get to see this very often.”

Eddie nodded and nudged Buck’s shoulder with his own, “Didn’t know you were into,” Eddie gestured up at the sky, “stars.”

Buck glanced back at him and shrugged, “I had a telescope when I was a kid, thought space was cool… but I also might’ve read a book on constellations last weekend to make sure I had stories to tell Chris.”

Eddie stared at him for a beat, mouth slightly parted as if Buck took him by surprise before he was grinning and shaking his head. He turned his attention back to the twinkling stars dancing above them and said, “I’m really happy you came with us today.”

And Buck just looked at him and he knew. He knew what the feeling that filled his chest and made him think he’s bursting at the seams whenever he was with Eddie. He thinks he’d known for a long time. His eyes trailed up the length of Eddie’s neck, the stubble dusting his jaw, his attention lingering on his mouth as Eddie’s teeth caught his bottom lip and Buck wondered if he’d taste sweet like the smores they had earlier _._ He couldn’t stop the intrusive thoughts of him pressing Eddie against his truck and kissing him until they’re both breathless, thoughts of intertwined fingers and being wrapped up in Eddie’s arms playing on a loop in his head and maybe it hurt a little bit, thinking about what he couldn’t have. So, instead he just rested his head back against the truck and closed his eyes as a particularly bright meteor shot across the sky. Maybe making just one wish wouldn’t hurt.

Buck wanted to say, “I think I might be in love with you,” but it came out as, “There’s no place else I’d rather be.” 

\---

It was the middle of a night during a shift and Buck had woken up craving a glass of water. The station was dark, quiet, almost peaceful for once as he blearily dragged himself out of his bunk and up the stairs to the kitchen area.

As he stepped onto the second floor landing, he heard the distinct sound of billiard balls clacking together. He squinted at the glowing green numbers on the microwave as his brain tried to make sense of why someone would be playing pool at 2:42 in the morning. He rubbed at his eyes and decided to grab a drink before investigating. Downing half the glass of cool water in a couple gulps helped clear some of the drowsiness hanging around the edges of his consciousness and he padded over to the pool table, leaning against a pillar to take in the broad shoulders covered by a worn LAFD t-shirt leaning over the pool table once he realized it was Eddie trying (and failing miserably) to get the cue ball to go even remotely in the direction he wanted. 

“Your stance is all wrong,” he supplied, voice still a little rough and tinged with sleep.

Eddie didn’t even turn around to look at him, but snorted before replying, “What, like you’re suddenly an expert? Besides, you can’t be good at everything. It’s not fair.”

“I’m _not_ good at everything, just most things. But I’ll have you know my impressive winning streak against Bobby isn’t all luck.”

Eddie just shook his head while he lined up another shot that missed its mark. He let out a sound of frustration as he straightened back up and ran a hand through his hair.

Buck gave a long-suffering sigh before pushing himself off of the pillar and setting his glass down, coming up to stand just a few inches behind where Eddie was deep in thought trying to calculate the best angle for his next attempt. 

He hesitantly reached out a hand, ghosting along the small of Eddie’s back. He felt him tense for a second under his fingertips before relaxing again. “Let me?” he asked, voice low enough he was practically whispering into Eddie’s ear. 

Eddie gave a short nod and that was all the encouragement Buck needed. He trailed his hand up Eddie’s spine, adding just enough pressure to let him know he wanted him to lean forward over the pool table at the waist. Once he was happy with that positioning he settled his hands lightly on Eddie’s hips as he kicked his feet just a little further apart, his brain very much taking note of the compromising position that put them in. Buck cleared his throat and resolutely tried not to think of the implications as he kept one hand on Eddie’s waist to keep him steady and leaned forward over Eddie’s body, dragging his other up so it rested lightly on top of the arm Eddie had outstretched to rest the cue on.

“Lower. Don’t angle this arm up so much,” he instructed, squeezing Eddie’s hip to indicate which arm he was talking about. Eddie lowered the arm that wasn’t extended over the table, bringing the pool cue to a much more level position.

“Good,” Buck murmured into the space just above Eddie’s ear, he thought he felt a shiver run down Eddie’s spine where he was pressed against him, but decided he couldn’t dwell on that at the moment.

“Now, we just line up the shot,” Buck moved his hand from Eddie’s waist to where he was holding the other end of the cue and guided him to pull the cue back, “follow through, aaaaand sink it.” Buck watched in satisfaction as the cue ball bounced off the other billiards and sent one of them falling neatly into the pocket. He shifted his attention back to Eddie who was looking back at him with a grin on his face. It was impossible to not think about how close they still were with him pressed up against Eddie’s back, he could almost feel the ghost of Eddie’s breath on his lips as Eddie looked at him over his shoulder. He let his gaze drift to his mouth for a split second before he was scratching the back of his neck and reluctantly standing back up and leaning against the table.

“If only it was that easy every time. Maybe then I wouldn’t owe Chim three cinnamon lattes,” Eddie let out under his breath as he rounded up the billiards and started putting them away. 

“We’ll get there, consider me your personal pool instructor. You know I’ve got your back,” Buck said.

Eddie stilled and looked at him and even in the dim light of the firestation Buck could see how tired he was, the shadows under his eyes more pronounced than usual, how frayed he looked around the edges. “Yeah,” he said, voice so gentle Buck halfway thought he was imagining it, “I know you do.”

Buck chewed at his bottom lip and wondered if it was his place to press the issue. _Eddie’s his best friend, of course it was,_ he thought.

“What’s the deal, Eddie?” He asked, voice just as soft as Eddie’s had been. “Why’re you really up here and not sleeping? And don’t try to tell me you just really needed to get a game of pool in.”

“It’s not important.”

“It is to me,” Buck replied, easily, earnestly. 

Eddie looked pained for a moment before coming up to lean against the table next to Buck and taking a deep breath, “Nightmares,” he started, “Sometimes I’m back under fire in Afghanistan. Sometimes I’m watching Shannon bleed out all over again. Sometimes it’s the well collapsing,” he paused, voice going a little hoarse, “Sometimes... it’s you. Under the truck. Or I’m looking for you and Chris after the tsunami. And I get this weight on my chest and I can’t think straight and it’s hard to breathe, even after I wake up.” He shrugs, “So... sometimes I just don’t go back to sleep.” 

Buck felt his heart breaking, in that moment he was certain there wasn’t a thing he wouldn’t give for Eddie to never feel that way again. He felt Eddie’s eyes on him and Buck nodded, keeping his eyes trained on his sock covered feet, it was all starting to feel just on the uncomfortable side of vulnerable, but he didn’t want to shy away from it, not this time, and replied, “I get them too, not as often anymore, but I did,” he forced his eyes back up to Eddie’s and saw nothing but understanding there, giving him the courage to continue, “Writing them down helped a lot, I guess you could call it a dream journal or whatever, made me remember that even though the dream wasn’t real, what I felt was and that’s okay,” he shrugged, “A couple times... after really bad ones, I called Maddie and she talked me through them. That always helped, too.”

“You coulda called me too, you know,” Eddie said, bumping his shoulder. 

Buck flashed him a weak grin, but shook his head as he examined a thread on the hem of his shirt, “They hardly ever got that bad and you barely get enough sleep as it is, I didn’t wanna bother you.”

“You could never bother me.”

Something in his voice made Buck look up and he was pleased to note he looked a little lighter, softer, somehow. Like maybe some of the weight he always carried on his shoulders was eased. 

“Tell you what then, if I can call you at all hours of the night because of a bad dream, so can you. Hell, say the word and I’m there at your place, I don’t care if it’s four in the morning,” he turned and faced Eddie, hand coming up to rest on his shoulder, thumb over his pulse point, a mirror of that day in Buck’s loft after the tsunami, and waited for him to meet his gaze, “I just want you to know you’re not alone,” he finished, voice just above a whisper.

He watched as Eddie’s nose scrunched up like it did when he was trying not to cry, but he just looked away, nodded and replied, “Yeah. Well. Neither are you,”

\---

It was the annual firefighter’s ball and Eddie looked _good_. Which wasn’t exactly a revelation to Buck, on some level, he’d always known Eddie was handsome, even that first day in the station when his first glimpse of the man was him tugging a shirt down over his body, despite the annoyance that prickled under his skin at the sight. He didn’t know what that feeling meant back then, or perhaps he didn’t want to admit he knew, but as he watched Eddie flit from person to person, introducing himself and making polite small talk in a perfectly tailored suit, he had to hide his smile beneath the rim of the glass of the drink he’d been nursing all evening and wondered how he’d ever convinced himself that what he felt was strictly platonic. 

Just as he was steeling himself to go out and make small talk of his own, he noticed Eddie excuse himself from a conversation and quickly duck out one of the doors that lead out to the balcony and following him didn’t feel so much like a choice, but something more like an inevitability. 

He slipped out the door and leaned back against it as it swung shut.

Eddie whirled around quickly, surely some explanation as to why he’s the only one outside on the tip of his tongue, but as soon as he saw it was Buck he relaxed and offered a rueful smile instead, leaning against the balcony facing him. The late-afternoon sun was hanging low on the horizon painting everything gold and Buck took a moment to appreciate the way the light bounced off of Eddie’s hair reminding him of something like a halo. _Fitting_ , he thought. 

“Hey,” Eddie said.

“Hey, thought you could uh- maybe use some company that isn’t asking about your silver star for the twentieth time tonight.”

Eddie huffed out half a laugh and scrubbed a hand over his face with a groan, “Yeah, that’s definitely getting old,” he rested his head in his hand and regarded Buck for a moment before continuing, “but I can always use your company anyway. Honestly, I’m just counting down the minutes until I can be back home on the couch with Chris and a fresh pizza.” 

“What do you mean? The cucumber finger sandwiches weren’t enough for you?” Buck asked, feigning shock. “That does sound good though, maybe I’ll pick one up on my way home, too.”

“Or just come over, I’ll even order your favorite.”

“Yeah? If you were planning on a quiet evening, I don’t wanna interr-” 

Buck was cut off by an exasperated sigh and exaggerated eye roll from Eddie, “You’re always welcome, you know that. I don’t give copies of my house key to just anyone.” 

And the thing is Buck _did_ know that. He’d lost track of how many times he’d just let himself into Eddie’s house. Every Friday they weren’t working for the standing tradition of dinner and a movie, a few times with ingredients for homemade waffles to surprise Chris for breakfast, a couple times here and there with homemade soup when Eddie or Chris were feeling under the weather, more than once just because he was bored on a Sunday afternoon, and every time he waltzed in without so much as a knock on the door he’d only ever been greeted with warm smiles and hugs. It never felt like visiting, somehow it always felt just a little bit like coming home. 

“Besides, think of how happy Chris’ll be to see his Buck,” Eddie said, taking a few steps forward so that he was standing right in front of Buck.

And that made Buck smile and duck his head bashfully, a full grin that showed off the dimple in his right cheek. 

“Alright, alright, you’ve convinced me,” and when he chanced a look back up at Eddie to see him beaming right back at him, his breath caught in his throat.

His eyes fell to the collar of Eddie’s white dress shirt that wasn’t sitting quite right and mindlessly reached out to smooth it out, letting his hands linger a little bit before trailing down to brush an invisible speck of lint from the shoulders of Eddie’s suit jacket.

“I meant to tell you earlier but you were busy talking to everyone and their mother, but the burgundy suit… was a choice.” 

Eddie’s eyes narrowed at him, “Are you making fun of me? Carla said this one looked better than the plain black one,” he said, frowning a little.

“No, no, no, I’m not, I swear,” Buck rushed to reassure him, “You look-,” he sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and swept his eyes down the suit that sat perfectly on his frame in a way that he hoped wasn’t _too_ obvious, “You look good,” he said, and when he focused back on Eddie’s face he was surprised to see his cheeks tinged a delightful shade of pink. 

Eddie cleared his throat, before choking out a, “Yeah, well I guess you don’t look half bad either,” and Buck felt _giddy._

“Wait, was that a compliment? C’mon, say it again, I didn’t catch it,” he teased, holding a hand to his ear.

Eddie glared at him but there wasn’t any heat in it, especially with a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“As if you don’t already know, asshole,” he muttered, starting to turn his back to Buck in favor of the sunset that was casting shades of pink and lilac over the clouds, and Buck missed his attention _immediately_. 

Without really thinking about it, he reached out and gently tugged at his wrist, and it worked. Eddie turned back to look at him, eyes flickering to the point of contact at his wrist, his head slightly tilted to the side and a slight furrow between his brows like he was trying to solve a puzzle and Buck heard his heart beating in his eardrums. 

He was _this_ close to pulling Eddie to him and cradling his jaw in his hands when the door to the balcony swung open. Buck promptly dropped Eddie’s wrist and turned towards the door just in time to see Hen rushing towards them.

“There you guys are! Cap says to come sit at the table, the closing ceremony’s about to start,” Hen said, pulling them towards the door.

Buck shot Eddie a wry grin and a shrug and the soft smile he got in return was almost enough to get his heart racing again.

\---

They were in the firetruck on the way back to the station and Buck was _fuming_. Logically, he knew that it wasn’t Eddie’s fault they didn’t get word of a kid hiding in one of the closets of the burning house until it was almost too late. But all he was able to think about was Chim holding him back as he watched Eddie run back into the nearly collapsing house against Bobby’s orders.

He was frantic, the way he’d yelled Eddie’s name until his throat was raw from emotion and the smoke he’d inhaled reminding him too much of the way he’d done the same thing all those months ago after the well collapsed. He remembered sinking to his knees and watching the burning building intently, looking for any sign of Eddie, finally seeing them exit out of a window moments before a particularly violent backdraft caused the roof to cave in. Buck could taste the relief on his tongue as Eddie stumbled towards them cradling the little boy in his arms. The second Eddie handed the kid off to Hen, Buck pulled him towards him in a bone-crushing hug. 

“I’m okay,” Eddie said after a moment, but he was clinging to Buck just as tightly.

“You’re an idiot,” Buck said, but the trembling in his voice betrayed him.

Eddie huffed out a breath of laughter that dissolved into a fit of coughing, “That’s rich coming from you,” he said through a gasp.

Buck reluctantly let him be ushered away by Chim to get looked over.

He didn’t look at Eddie as they packed up and piled back into the truck, he couldn’t. He felt hallowed out and raw, like he might break if he did, so instead, he set his jaw and looked out the window. In doing so, he missed the knowing look Hen and Chim shot at each other and the way Eddie didn’t look anywhere else but him under heavily-lidded eyes, exhaustion evident after the adrenaline had worn off. 

They wordlessly filed out of the truck and into the locker rooms to shower and change before heading home. Buck went through the motions on autopilot like he’d done hundreds of times before. The water felt good on his skin and he watched the soot and ash swirling around the drain, he watched until the water ran clear and the tips of his fingertips were beginning to wrinkle.

The old LAFD hoodie he pulled over his head was unusually comforting until he realized it smelled like the detergent Eddie liked to use because he brought it to him that morning after finding it in the laundry. His eyes stung for a second before he pulled himself back together and walked out towards the mostly empty parking lot and leaned against Eddie’s truck, waiting for him to come out after he’d been summoned to Bobby’s office.

He couldn’t help the awful scenarios that ran through his head as he waited. Scenarios where Eddie didn’t make it out and he was still angry. Angry at himself for caring too much, angry at Eddie for having such a good heart that he _instantly_ ran back for the kid, angry at the universe, angry that he’d gotten so rattled, mostly he was angry about how there was a part of him that knew he wasn’t really angry at all. He was so caught up in his thoughts he didn’t notice Eddie approaching until he spoke.

“Cap chewed me out. Said if I pulled a stunt like that again he’d make me scrub the truck with a toothbrush for a month,” he said, duffle bag slung over his shoulder, hands in his pockets as he slowly made his way to Buck, like he was scared he might spook him.

Buck nodded and stared at his feet until the silence became too much, too heavy. 

“Buck, talk to me” Eddie pleaded, cautiously reaching out to wrap his fingers around his wrist, so carefully, so gently that it made Buck’s heart ache. He felt his face contort, but he didn't shake off Eddie’s hold.

“Did you even think about _anything_ before you ran back in there? We _knew_ the house was about to collapse and you still went back,” Buck finally said through clenched teeth, meeting Eddie’s stare, “Did you think about what could’ve happened to you?”

Eddie grimaced at that, casting his eyes to the sky like he was searching for the right words to say before looking back at Buck, “There was a kid in there. _Someone’s_ _kid_ , I had to try, you know that,” he said, voice so quiet if Buck had been standing a couple feet away he probably wouldn’t have been able to hear him and he sounded so _sincere_ Buck had to put some distance between them in an attempt to clear his head.

So, he took a couple steps away and pinched the bridge of his nose, “You can’t keep doing that, Eddie. You can’t keep pretending like your life doesn’t matter, like you don’t have people who are counting on you-- waiting for you to come home.”

“Buck, you know it’s not like that. This is our _job_ , we do it every day. We have to,” Eddie said, defeated.

Buck whirled around coming up to stop just a few inches from Eddie’s face, “No, it’s not our job to be _reckless_ and _impulsive_ ,” he hissed, and despite it all Eddie was looking up at him with a shit eating grin on his face.

“What. What’s that face for,” Buck asked, still very much annoyed.

“Just thinking about how if you asked 85% of people who worked here, I’m pretty sure they’d say reckless and impulsive are kind of our middle names,” Eddie said, and Buck had to fight the corner of his mouth from quirking up into a smirk because well. He had a point.

“Buck, I’m okay. And no, I can’t promise I always will be, but neither can you,” he gave a half-hearted shrug, “but I _can_ promise I’ll always try my best to come home to Chris, the 118,” he took a deep breath and hesitantly brought his hand up to cradle Buck’s jaw, “to you.” 

All the fight left Buck’s body in a rush and instead he just felt bone-tired and weary. He couldn’t stop his eyes from fluttering shut and his head from turning into Eddie’s touch. He clenched his jaw and knew he was toeing a dangerous line, not much further and he wouldn’t be able to chalk this up as just a moment of vulnerability. So, he let himself enjoy it while he could and steeled himself to crack a joke to ease the tension, but when he opened his eyes and was met with nothing but warmth reflecting back at him in Eddie’s eyes it felt like he couldn’t breathe, like every single _almost_ was suffocating him and he was tired, tired of tiptoeing around it, tired of fighting it when it felt like every single time he did they still ended up _here_ with Buck standing so close he could smell the sage and cedarwood on Eddie’s skin from his favorite body wash that’d he’d come to associate with him over the years, close enough that he could feel the heat radiating off of Eddie’s body and his breath drifting over his face.

Maybe it was a moment of weakness that caused his hands to reach out and settle on Eddie’s waist, but maybe this was where they were always headed from the moment the words, _“who the hell is that?”_ left Buck’s mouth.

Buck guided Eddie a few steps backward so that he was leaning against the truck, marveling at how Eddie followed his steps so easily, so willingly. And when he crowded further into his space and finally, _finally_ , leaned down to capture Eddie’s lips with his own it felt like finding something he’d been looking for his entire life.

Every inch of him was pressed against Eddie and yet, it still didn’t feel like close enough. Having Eddie soft and pliant against him was intoxicating and when his whole world narrowed down to Eddie’s hands stroking through the short hair above the nape of his neck and curling around his jaw to his mouth where Eddie was steadily taking him apart, he thought everything that it had taken for him to get here with Eddie filling his senses was worth it.

Time could’ve stood still as Buck lost himself in the slick slide of lips and teeth and tongue and when he gently nipped at Eddie’s bottom lip and pulled a gasp from his throat he couldn’t help but wonder what other sounds he could be responsible for. He reveled in the feel of stubble scraping against his skin and trailed a hand up Eddie’s body to rest on his chest where he could feel his heart hammering away underneath his fingertips, warm and real and steady and very much alive.

Somewhere in between bitten-off groans and wandering hands, Buck remembered they were still standing in the firehouse parking lot and reluctantly pulled away, pressing one last kiss to Eddie’s lips when he chased his mouth. Buck had lost count of how many times he’d looked at Eddie lately and thought he was beautiful, but standing there in front of him, lips kiss-bitten, cheeks flushed, eyes twinkling in the late afternoon light as he looked up at Buck, still close enough that he’d be able to count his eyelashes if he wanted, he thought this was easily the best he’d ever looked, that fact made infinitely better by the knowledge that his enticingly disheveled appearance was because of _him_ and maybe Buck was itching to know just how much a mess of him he could make. 

“I--” Buck began saying, clearing his throat when he noted how rough it was, “That was--,” he paused again, unsure of how much he was supposed to reveal so soon. _That was something we should do again sometime? That was the best kiss of my entire life? That was everything I’d been wanting for months?_

Luckily, he was saved from having to finish that thought by Eddie saying, “Yeah, it was. For me too,” and Buck couldn’t stop the grin from stretching across his face if he tried. 

“Yeah?” Buck asked, finding he needed the reassurance, and Eddie just hummed in affirmation, dragging his hand down from where it had still been absentmindedly raking through Buck’s hair to tangle his fingers with his own.

“I’m sorry I scared you,” Eddie said softly, brushing his thumb over Buck’s knuckles before bringing his hand up to his mouth to press a kiss to it, and despite Buck having Eddie’s lips between his teeth just a moment before, he flushed at the sheer tenderness of the action.

“I’m sorry I… overreacted… a little,” he replied, offering Eddie a wry smile.

Eddie snorted a little at that before leaning up to kiss his cheek, the bolt of his jaw, the corner of his mouth, “I guess we can call it even,” he said before leaning down to pick up his bag from the ground.

“Can we go home now? I told Chris we could have breakfast for dinner today,” Eddie asked, tiling his head a little and pulling his keys from his pocket.

He’d asked the question so casually, as if their relationship hadn’t just changed forever, and through it all Buck was almost surprised to find that he understood the nonchalance. He still felt like he was floating and his lips still buzzed with the memory of Eddie’s kiss and maybe it should’ve felt scary or daunting, but it just felt _right_. 

They’d talk about it later, Buck knew they would, but for now, he just watched as Eddie hauled himself into the driver’s seat and couldn’t stop himself from leaning in for a lingering kiss that was just a little sweeter than the previous ones. 

“Yeah, okay. See you at home,” Buck murmured against his lips before almost skipping back to his own car.

He couldn’t stop smiling to himself as he settled into the driver’s seat and pulled out of the parking lot and began following the route he’d memorized years ago.

 _Home_. Buck liked the sound of that.

**Author's Note:**

> i started writing this a long time ago but only recently got the motivation to finish it up so, here we are! thanks for reading and find me on [tumblr](http://buckleys-diaz.tumblr.com/) if y'all want :)


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